 | If God hadn't wanted me to be a comedian,
he would have given me a better body
|
| Yesterday's minor tragedies are today's
major comedy bits
|
| I told my wife I was a practicing
comedian, she said "Keep it up, you're going to need a lot of practice."
|
| God wants us to love our neighbors, I understand that, but if that's
what he wanted us to do, why in the world did he create pink flamingos?
|
| I don't know what's going on today with
kids and all this body jewelry. Why, when I was a kid back in
Newark. N.J., the only jewelry a guy ever wore was his brass knuckles.
|
| My wife and I couldn't afford all those
fancy napkins at our wedding, so we just had a roll of toilet paper
printed up and hung it in the restroom. Each sheet says - I went
to Pat & Dan's Wedding. Anybody who wanted a souvenir could just
tear off a sheet.
|
| Our wedding reception was memorable.
I mean there isn't a night that I don't wake up thinking about it.
|
